April 8th, 2008

4-08-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

So This Laundry-challenged Husband…decided to wash his old college sweatshirt. Seconds after stepping into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she yelled back. “What does it say on your shirt.”
“University of Minnesota.”

Te Controller Type Husband…complains, “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give?”
Wife: “Turn sideways and look in the mirror.”

Part II…A Few Observations…
* You’re just jealous because the voice in my head only talk to me.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* I’m not a COMPLETE idiot… some parts are missing.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
(Thanks to Julie A. Williams, “borrowed” from RV&MH Arizona Flyer)

Now for Golfer and other Assorted Sinners (confession time)…
I do one nine in forty-three,
the second nine in fifty-five;
If I am putting cleverly,
I find that I’m off my drive.

I wish some angel good would tell,
my troubled golfing spirit whether,
I’ll ever handle all clubs well
and get two decent nines together.

When’er I make a perfect drive
And get two hundred down the lot,
Why should I spoil a four or five
By messing up my second shot?

Though I may use the wooden clubs,
I’m doomed to linger with the mutts;
Fit company alone for duds,
My average is still three putts.
(guest ED., Edgar A. Guest)

April Flowers…Recycled
The daughter of the church flower chairperson was asked what her mother did with the flowers after worship service.
“Oh, Mommy takes them to people who are sick after the sermon.”

And to top it all off…
“The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in not having a decent goal to reach” – Ben Mays

Help! Help! Please
April 23rd is secretarial/administrative assistant day. Needed: secretarial or administrative assistant joke by April 16th. I can’t find ONE in my extensive files.

Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.