May 27th, 2008

5-27-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

VERSUS…
A couple was both very tired. He had been at an auction most of the day and she had been playing golf. As they watched TV, both dozed off.
“FORE!,” she suddenly shouted from her dreams.
“”Four-and-a-quarter,” he shouted without opening his eyes.

ARE YOU READY FOR… ETHNIC AND CLERGY?
The Rev. Ole is pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road. One day they were seen pounding a sign into the ground that said: “THE END IS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW BAFORE IT’S TOO LATE!”
A car sped past them and the driver leaned out the window and yelled, “Leave me alone you Skandihoovian, religious nuts!”
From the curve ahead, the clergy heard screeching tires and a huge splash. The Rev. Ole turned to Pastor Sven and asked, “Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, ‘Bridge out!’”

OR GET A SECOND OPINION…
A playwright received a manuscript with a note attached. “Please read the enclosed and advise. I need an answer at once as I have other irons in the fire.”
The playwright wrote back: “Remove irons. Replace with manuscript.”

WATCH FOR THE WARNING
A burglar broke into a house late at night. As he filled his sack with goodies, he was shaken by a voice saying softly, “God is watching you.”
As he stood there shaking, the voice again said, “God is watching you.”
The burglar finally looked up and realized that a parrot in the corner was the one doing the talking.
“You stupid bird,” he said. “You scared me half to death. He, what’s your name anyhow?”
“Milo,” responded the bird.
“What idiot would name a bird, Milo?”
“The same idiot who’d name a 125-pound Doberman, ‘God.’”

NOW…FOR An UNCOMPLICATE… KNOCK, KNOCK
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cows…
Cows who?
No they don’t, they moo!

Try again? Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Duey.
Duey who?
Duey have to keep telling knock, knock jokes?

WHO WANTS TO TURN BACK YOUR ODOMETER?
I wouldn’t. I want people to know “why” I took this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved. So, I’ll ‘Hit the Road, Jack.”

Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.