5-20-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Since School Is Nearly Out…
Little five-year-old Brent came home from his kindergarten class and had a real worried look on his face.
“What’s wrong? his mother asked.
Brent explained, “We were talking about hygiene today in school. Better call a doctor for medicine, Mom. I think I have it.”
Teacher: “Can anyone tell me what a fish net is made of?”
Little Boy: “A lot of little holes tied together with strings.
Can you trust…
Two teenagers are on a tour of a modern art gallery. They find themselves alone in a room of modern sculpture staring at the twisted pipes, mounds of broken glass and tangled shapes of a mixed variety of materials in the exhibit.
One of them, really alarmed, said, “Let’s get out of here before they blame us for wrecking this place.”
Dog Gone it All
“My six-year-old son was just given a dog,” said one father to another.
“How’s it working out?”
“Well we’re sending him to obedience school. And, if it works out well, we’ll send the dog too.”
So, Who’s the Teacher Here?
According to the latest studies, more than 40% of teens talk openly with their parents about sex. And more than 20% of the parents are able to use what they learn from those talks.
The Blame Game
A teacher, after correcting and handing back little Johnny’s paper, remarked, “I don’t see how one person can make so many mistakes on his homework.”
Johnny thought a moment then replied, “It wasn’t all one person. My dad helped.”
The New Competition
Two boys from different schools meet. “I’ll bet my school’s computers are faster then your school’s computers.”
And on to College where…
One question answered incorrectly by all students tested: “If having tonsils removed is a tonsillectomy and having the appendix removed is an appendectomy, what is the term for having a growth removed from the head?”
The answer: A haircut.
And Your Future Plans are?
One college gal was going ot get a job as an airline hostess so she would meet lots of men.
“Might be a plan,” agreed her friend, “but wouldn’t you meet as many men doing something else?”
The first girl shrugged. “Could be,” she admitted, “but not strapped down.”
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
May 13th, 2008
5-13-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Mother’s Day was Sunday so…
Yea!!
It’s Fishing Season Again
Ole and Sven made their first fishing trip up to Canada. They caught one keeper pike. Driving home they contemplated the joys of their week up North. Then, Ole remarked, “Ya know, the vay I figured our expenses dat fish cost us $400.”
“Veil,” said Sven, “at dat price it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more.”
A little boy who loved to go fishing with his father had just learned the 23rd Psalm and was reciting it in Sunday School. When he got to the fourth verse the class hears, “…Thy rod and Thy reel, they comfort me.”
You’ve Heard the Old Adages…
Never saw a man who could fish… and worry at the same time.
Old fishermen never die… they just smell that way.
Now, shifting gears…
A Ford was stuck in the mud. A man driving a Cadillac came to the rescue. The Samaritan explained that he was on his way to a pressing appointment but would attach a cable and pull the Ford back on the road.
It was done and the Caddie was soon on its way. However, its driver, in his haste, forgot to remove the cable and sped off still attached to the Ford.
The pace grew faster and faster. Up the road a highway patrol officer attempted to stop the speeding Cadillac but with no success. Finally the patrolman radioed a message to a fellow officer ahead: “Look out for a Cadillac going 80 miles and hour. And, believe it or not, an old Ford is behind honking for the road.”
The Clergy Person
Was arrested for speeding, “Officer,” the pastor said, “I am about my Heavenly Father’s business.”
“Well, I read the same Bible, pastor. It also says, ‘Go out on the highways and byways and gather them in.’ So, that’s just what I’m doing.” (The 18th is Peace Officer’s Day)
If at First You Don’t Succeed…
A pipe burst in a doctor’s house. He phoned a plumber listed in the Yellow Pages. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, fixed the problem and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much an hour as a doctor!”
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, “Neither did I when I was a doctor.”
And Finally…Two Fisherman
Were out on Mille Lacks when suddenly a hand appears above the water.
“What’s that,” says one. “It looks like someone is drowning!”
“No way,” says the other.
“It’s just a wave.” (so long for now).
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Mother’s Day was Sunday so…
Yea!!
It’s Fishing Season Again
Ole and Sven made their first fishing trip up to Canada. They caught one keeper pike. Driving home they contemplated the joys of their week up North. Then, Ole remarked, “Ya know, the vay I figured our expenses dat fish cost us $400.”
“Veil,” said Sven, “at dat price it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more.”
A little boy who loved to go fishing with his father had just learned the 23rd Psalm and was reciting it in Sunday School. When he got to the fourth verse the class hears, “…Thy rod and Thy reel, they comfort me.”
You’ve Heard the Old Adages…
Never saw a man who could fish… and worry at the same time.
Old fishermen never die… they just smell that way.
Now, shifting gears…
A Ford was stuck in the mud. A man driving a Cadillac came to the rescue. The Samaritan explained that he was on his way to a pressing appointment but would attach a cable and pull the Ford back on the road.
It was done and the Caddie was soon on its way. However, its driver, in his haste, forgot to remove the cable and sped off still attached to the Ford.
The pace grew faster and faster. Up the road a highway patrol officer attempted to stop the speeding Cadillac but with no success. Finally the patrolman radioed a message to a fellow officer ahead: “Look out for a Cadillac going 80 miles and hour. And, believe it or not, an old Ford is behind honking for the road.”
The Clergy Person
Was arrested for speeding, “Officer,” the pastor said, “I am about my Heavenly Father’s business.”
“Well, I read the same Bible, pastor. It also says, ‘Go out on the highways and byways and gather them in.’ So, that’s just what I’m doing.” (The 18th is Peace Officer’s Day)
If at First You Don’t Succeed…
A pipe burst in a doctor’s house. He phoned a plumber listed in the Yellow Pages. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, fixed the problem and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much an hour as a doctor!”
The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, “Neither did I when I was a doctor.”
And Finally…Two Fisherman
Were out on Mille Lacks when suddenly a hand appears above the water.
“What’s that,” says one. “It looks like someone is drowning!”
“No way,” says the other.
“It’s just a wave.” (so long for now).
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
May 6th, 2008
5-06-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
‘Have your incentive check yet?
The difference between adults and children is adults have toys that require monthly payments.
This week… professions
1. Doctor.
A woman went into the doctor’s office. “Doctor,” she asked, what should I take when I’m run down?”
He replied, “the license number.”
2. Lawyer
A doctor, lawyer and a physicist were debating which profession was mentioned first in the Bible.
“God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve,” said the doctor.
“That involved a surgical procedure, so doctors were mentioned first.”
“No, no,” countered the physicist. “God created order out of chaos and that required a knowledge of the science of matter. So my profession was mentioned first.”
The lawyer coyly smiled and said, “No, lawyers were mentioned first. Who do you tink created the chaos?”
3. How about Politicians? (we are “politically correct,” sorry).
A politician running for office got a bit carried away and spoke for two hours. Finally, he realized what happened and said, “I’m sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home.”
A voice from the back of the room called out, “There’s a calendar behind you.”
4. The Military.
Two young sailors from the Midwest were assigned aboard ship for their first duty. As they left port and stood at the bow, one motioned to the wide expanse of the ocean and said, “Did you ever see so much water in your life?”
The other replied with wonder, “Nope. And we’re only looking at the top of it!”
5. A bed and breakfast hostess.
Customer to hostess: “Why does your dog growl at me while I’m eating my pancakes? Does he want me to feed him?
“No,” said the hostess, “he’s just angry because you’re eating off his favorite plate.”
6. Business in general.
Two business partners went fishing in a small boat. Suddenly a storm blew up and the boat capsized. One of the men began to swim but his business partner floundered helplessly in his life jacket.
“Jim,” the swimmer called to the non-swimmer, “can you float alone?”
“My gosh,” cried Jim. “I’m helpless and you want to talk business.”
7. Finally, Actors.
Actors used to clean the grease paint off their faces with pork fat. That’s why we’re called “hams.”
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
‘Have your incentive check yet?
The difference between adults and children is adults have toys that require monthly payments.
This week… professions
1. Doctor.
A woman went into the doctor’s office. “Doctor,” she asked, what should I take when I’m run down?”
He replied, “the license number.”
2. Lawyer
A doctor, lawyer and a physicist were debating which profession was mentioned first in the Bible.
“God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve,” said the doctor.
“That involved a surgical procedure, so doctors were mentioned first.”
“No, no,” countered the physicist. “God created order out of chaos and that required a knowledge of the science of matter. So my profession was mentioned first.”
The lawyer coyly smiled and said, “No, lawyers were mentioned first. Who do you tink created the chaos?”
3. How about Politicians? (we are “politically correct,” sorry).
A politician running for office got a bit carried away and spoke for two hours. Finally, he realized what happened and said, “I’m sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home.”
A voice from the back of the room called out, “There’s a calendar behind you.”
4. The Military.
Two young sailors from the Midwest were assigned aboard ship for their first duty. As they left port and stood at the bow, one motioned to the wide expanse of the ocean and said, “Did you ever see so much water in your life?”
The other replied with wonder, “Nope. And we’re only looking at the top of it!”
5. A bed and breakfast hostess.
Customer to hostess: “Why does your dog growl at me while I’m eating my pancakes? Does he want me to feed him?
“No,” said the hostess, “he’s just angry because you’re eating off his favorite plate.”
6. Business in general.
Two business partners went fishing in a small boat. Suddenly a storm blew up and the boat capsized. One of the men began to swim but his business partner floundered helplessly in his life jacket.
“Jim,” the swimmer called to the non-swimmer, “can you float alone?”
“My gosh,” cried Jim. “I’m helpless and you want to talk business.”
7. Finally, Actors.
Actors used to clean the grease paint off their faces with pork fat. That’s why we’re called “hams.”
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
April 29th, 2008
4-29-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Yeah Team…Fight!!
Coach: (to young player) “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
Child Player: “Yes, Coach.”
Coach: “When a strike is called out at first, you don’t argue, curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand that?”
Child: “Yes.”
Coach: “Good, now go over and explain it to your mother.”
Dog Gone Shame
The man takes his dog into the movie theatre. It’s a romantic comedy and whenever there’s a funny scene the dog starts laughing. Later, there’s a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying. This goes on throughout the entire film. A man sitting nearby witnessed the dog’s actions and decides to follow them out after the movie.
In the foyer, he approaches the dog’s owner and says, “That’s truly amazing. your dog seemed to understand the whole plot!”
“It sure is,” the dog-owner replied, “he hated the book.”
A duck went to a local store
to buy chapstick, and the clerk asked if he would pay cash and the duck said, no, just put it on my bill.
It’s just a a man thing
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of the study: “Duh.”
and…
“Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection,” she stated. “My husband forgot the code to turn off the house alarm. When the police came, he wouldn’t admit he’d forgotten the code. He turned himself in.”
and…
My personal motto is: “If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson… were camping in their tent. They had been asleep beneath the night sky when Holmes suddenly awoke and shook his friend.
“Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions of brilliant stars,” said Watson.
“And what does that tell you?”
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are countless galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. And you Holmes?
Holmes paused. “What I see Watson… is that someone has stolen our tent!”
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Yeah Team…Fight!!
Coach: (to young player) “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
Child Player: “Yes, Coach.”
Coach: “When a strike is called out at first, you don’t argue, curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand that?”
Child: “Yes.”
Coach: “Good, now go over and explain it to your mother.”
Dog Gone Shame
The man takes his dog into the movie theatre. It’s a romantic comedy and whenever there’s a funny scene the dog starts laughing. Later, there’s a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying. This goes on throughout the entire film. A man sitting nearby witnessed the dog’s actions and decides to follow them out after the movie.
In the foyer, he approaches the dog’s owner and says, “That’s truly amazing. your dog seemed to understand the whole plot!”
“It sure is,” the dog-owner replied, “he hated the book.”
A duck went to a local store
to buy chapstick, and the clerk asked if he would pay cash and the duck said, no, just put it on my bill.
It’s just a a man thing
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of the study: “Duh.”
and…
“Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection,” she stated. “My husband forgot the code to turn off the house alarm. When the police came, he wouldn’t admit he’d forgotten the code. He turned himself in.”
and…
My personal motto is: “If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson… were camping in their tent. They had been asleep beneath the night sky when Holmes suddenly awoke and shook his friend.
“Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions of brilliant stars,” said Watson.
“And what does that tell you?”
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are countless galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. And you Holmes?
Holmes paused. “What I see Watson… is that someone has stolen our tent!”
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
April 22nd, 2008
4-22-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Time to wet a line…
These two North Dakotans rented a fishing boat and, in their first anchored spot, caught 30 Iowa Walleyes (sorry, 30 bullheads).
“We need to mark this spot so we can come here tomorrow,” the first man said.
His friend replied, “Great idea. How about I put a big ‘X’ on the bottom of this boat.”
The first man agrees, “Right, then we could find it. But hold up – what if we don’t rent this boat?”
Fishing west of St. Cloud on the Sauk River Chain…my son, Norm, and I pulled up to the dock. Another resort visitor asked if we had any luck.
“Oh yes,” I replied, as we unloaded our gear.”
“But I don’t see any fish in your bucket. ‘Get any strikes?”
“Just a small on eon a daredevil. Oh yes, and lots of luck with great weather, good company and fantastic scenery.” (True!)
Some odd signs from England
* In a London department store: “Bargain Basement… Upstairs.”
* In an office: “Would the person who took the stepladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps WILL be taken.”
* Outside the second-hand shop: “We exchange anything: bicycles, washing machines, et. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.”
* On a repair shop door: “We can repair anything (Please knock HARD on the door. The bell doesn’t work.”
This Yoke Pollutes
Very early on morning, two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a big worm on the other side. So, one flies over and the other swims through… Which one gets to the worm first?
The one who swam, of course “Da, oily boid gets the woim.”
The Wind came up on Mille “Lacks”…while the two Supreme Court justices were out fishing. (what else!)
One became seasick. “Can I do anything for you,” asked the other.
“Yes,” replied the sick one with a gasp, “Overrule the motion!”
Now a toast (roast) to all who wet a line
Here’s to our fisherman brave,
Here’s to the fish he caught,
Here’s to the ones that got away,
And here’s to the ones he bought!
(more next week)
In honor of Secretary/Administrative Assistant Day, April 23rd
The boss asked his secretary/administrative assistant: “What do you think we should do about the ignorance and apathy around here?”
The secretary answered: “I don’t know, and I don’t care!”
(Thanks to Bob Martin of Rochester for the joke).
Sharing Appreciation is a wonderful thing: it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” – Voltaire
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Time to wet a line…
These two North Dakotans rented a fishing boat and, in their first anchored spot, caught 30 Iowa Walleyes (sorry, 30 bullheads).
“We need to mark this spot so we can come here tomorrow,” the first man said.
His friend replied, “Great idea. How about I put a big ‘X’ on the bottom of this boat.”
The first man agrees, “Right, then we could find it. But hold up – what if we don’t rent this boat?”
Fishing west of St. Cloud on the Sauk River Chain…my son, Norm, and I pulled up to the dock. Another resort visitor asked if we had any luck.
“Oh yes,” I replied, as we unloaded our gear.”
“But I don’t see any fish in your bucket. ‘Get any strikes?”
“Just a small on eon a daredevil. Oh yes, and lots of luck with great weather, good company and fantastic scenery.” (True!)
Some odd signs from England
* In a London department store: “Bargain Basement… Upstairs.”
* In an office: “Would the person who took the stepladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps WILL be taken.”
* Outside the second-hand shop: “We exchange anything: bicycles, washing machines, et. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.”
* On a repair shop door: “We can repair anything (Please knock HARD on the door. The bell doesn’t work.”
This Yoke Pollutes
Very early on morning, two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a big worm on the other side. So, one flies over and the other swims through… Which one gets to the worm first?
The one who swam, of course “Da, oily boid gets the woim.”
The Wind came up on Mille “Lacks”…while the two Supreme Court justices were out fishing. (what else!)
One became seasick. “Can I do anything for you,” asked the other.
“Yes,” replied the sick one with a gasp, “Overrule the motion!”
Now a toast (roast) to all who wet a line
Here’s to our fisherman brave,
Here’s to the fish he caught,
Here’s to the ones that got away,
And here’s to the ones he bought!
(more next week)
In honor of Secretary/Administrative Assistant Day, April 23rd
The boss asked his secretary/administrative assistant: “What do you think we should do about the ignorance and apathy around here?”
The secretary answered: “I don’t know, and I don’t care!”
(Thanks to Bob Martin of Rochester for the joke).
Sharing Appreciation is a wonderful thing: it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” – Voltaire
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
April 15th, 2008
4-15-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So, today is April 15…
Me: “I hate paying my taxes.”
You: “You should pay them with a smile.”
Me: “I offered them a smile but they insisted on money.”
E-Z-2-Lose…
Ever wonder why it’s called the 1040 form?
It’s because for every $50 you earn, you keep $10 and the IRS gets $40.
The Perfect Pose…
occurred as the little two-year-old Nicole stood at the window and saw here first lightning. “Look, Mom! God just took my picture.”
What you don’t know won’t…
Boy: “Dad, what makes the thunder?”
Father: “I don’t know.”
Boy: “Dad, what makes the snow white?”
Father: “I don’t know.”
Boy: “Dad, you don’t mind that I bother you with all these questions?
Father: “Absolutely not, son. How are you ever going ot learn anything if you don’t ask.”
There’s this son… “How insensitive”
The golf course next to Highway 14 and these guys were walking to their next shot just as the funeral procession passed by. The one guy put his ball on the tee then took off his cap and, with his 3-iron in hand, paused. As he lined up his shot, the second guy said, “you’re really a sensitive person, noticing that funeral and everything.”
The first guy drives then says, “Yah, well… we would have been married 25 years tomorrow.”
It takes a lot of guts to play a string bass… but:
* What’s the difference between a banjo and a lawnmower? You can tune a lawnmower.
* Do you know the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw the banjo into the dumpster and it lands right on the accordion.
* Why do bagpipers always walk when they play? To get away from the noise.
* How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs.
The old doctor in a small town… needed a vacation. His son had graduated from med school and finished interning, so the father asked his son to take over the practice a few weeks. When the father returned he asked if anything unusual happened.
“Well, I guess,” he replied. You remember that wealthy, elderly Mrs. Jones who’s had that bad allergy for many years? I cured her.”
“Well, the timing’s perfect,” replied the father. “That allergy put you through college and med school.”
Help! Help! Please
April 23rd is secretarial/administrative assistant day. Needed: secretarial or administrative assistant joke by April 16th. I can’t find ONE in my extensive files.
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So, today is April 15…
Me: “I hate paying my taxes.”
You: “You should pay them with a smile.”
Me: “I offered them a smile but they insisted on money.”
E-Z-2-Lose…
Ever wonder why it’s called the 1040 form?
It’s because for every $50 you earn, you keep $10 and the IRS gets $40.
The Perfect Pose…
occurred as the little two-year-old Nicole stood at the window and saw here first lightning. “Look, Mom! God just took my picture.”
What you don’t know won’t…
Boy: “Dad, what makes the thunder?”
Father: “I don’t know.”
Boy: “Dad, what makes the snow white?”
Father: “I don’t know.”
Boy: “Dad, you don’t mind that I bother you with all these questions?
Father: “Absolutely not, son. How are you ever going ot learn anything if you don’t ask.”
There’s this son… “How insensitive”
The golf course next to Highway 14 and these guys were walking to their next shot just as the funeral procession passed by. The one guy put his ball on the tee then took off his cap and, with his 3-iron in hand, paused. As he lined up his shot, the second guy said, “you’re really a sensitive person, noticing that funeral and everything.”
The first guy drives then says, “Yah, well… we would have been married 25 years tomorrow.”
It takes a lot of guts to play a string bass… but:
* What’s the difference between a banjo and a lawnmower? You can tune a lawnmower.
* Do you know the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw the banjo into the dumpster and it lands right on the accordion.
* Why do bagpipers always walk when they play? To get away from the noise.
* How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs.
The old doctor in a small town… needed a vacation. His son had graduated from med school and finished interning, so the father asked his son to take over the practice a few weeks. When the father returned he asked if anything unusual happened.
“Well, I guess,” he replied. You remember that wealthy, elderly Mrs. Jones who’s had that bad allergy for many years? I cured her.”
“Well, the timing’s perfect,” replied the father. “That allergy put you through college and med school.”
Help! Help! Please
April 23rd is secretarial/administrative assistant day. Needed: secretarial or administrative assistant joke by April 16th. I can’t find ONE in my extensive files.
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
April 8th, 2008
4-08-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So This Laundry-challenged Husband…decided to wash his old college sweatshirt. Seconds after stepping into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she yelled back. “What does it say on your shirt.”
“University of Minnesota.”
Te Controller Type Husband…complains, “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give?”
Wife: “Turn sideways and look in the mirror.”
Part II…A Few Observations…
* You’re just jealous because the voice in my head only talk to me.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* I’m not a COMPLETE idiot… some parts are missing.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
(Thanks to Julie A. Williams, “borrowed” from RV&MH Arizona Flyer)
Now for Golfer and other Assorted Sinners (confession time)…
I do one nine in forty-three,
the second nine in fifty-five;
If I am putting cleverly,
I find that I’m off my drive.
I wish some angel good would tell,
my troubled golfing spirit whether,
I’ll ever handle all clubs well
and get two decent nines together.
When’er I make a perfect drive
And get two hundred down the lot,
Why should I spoil a four or five
By messing up my second shot?
Though I may use the wooden clubs,
I’m doomed to linger with the mutts;
Fit company alone for duds,
My average is still three putts.
(guest ED., Edgar A. Guest)
April Flowers…Recycled
The daughter of the church flower chairperson was asked what her mother did with the flowers after worship service.
“Oh, Mommy takes them to people who are sick after the sermon.”
And to top it all off…
“The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in not having a decent goal to reach” – Ben Mays
Help! Help! Please
April 23rd is secretarial/administrative assistant day. Needed: secretarial or administrative assistant joke by April 16th. I can’t find ONE in my extensive files.
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So This Laundry-challenged Husband…decided to wash his old college sweatshirt. Seconds after stepping into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she yelled back. “What does it say on your shirt.”
“University of Minnesota.”
Te Controller Type Husband…complains, “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give?”
Wife: “Turn sideways and look in the mirror.”
Part II…A Few Observations…
* You’re just jealous because the voice in my head only talk to me.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* I’m not a COMPLETE idiot… some parts are missing.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
(Thanks to Julie A. Williams, “borrowed” from RV&MH Arizona Flyer)
Now for Golfer and other Assorted Sinners (confession time)…
I do one nine in forty-three,
the second nine in fifty-five;
If I am putting cleverly,
I find that I’m off my drive.
I wish some angel good would tell,
my troubled golfing spirit whether,
I’ll ever handle all clubs well
and get two decent nines together.
When’er I make a perfect drive
And get two hundred down the lot,
Why should I spoil a four or five
By messing up my second shot?
Though I may use the wooden clubs,
I’m doomed to linger with the mutts;
Fit company alone for duds,
My average is still three putts.
(guest ED., Edgar A. Guest)
April Flowers…Recycled
The daughter of the church flower chairperson was asked what her mother did with the flowers after worship service.
“Oh, Mommy takes them to people who are sick after the sermon.”
And to top it all off…
“The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in not having a decent goal to reach” – Ben Mays
Help! Help! Please
April 23rd is secretarial/administrative assistant day. Needed: secretarial or administrative assistant joke by April 16th. I can’t find ONE in my extensive files.
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
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