4-29-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Yeah Team…Fight!!
Coach: (to young player) “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
Child Player: “Yes, Coach.”
Coach: “When a strike is called out at first, you don’t argue, curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand that?”
Child: “Yes.”
Coach: “Good, now go over and explain it to your mother.”
Dog Gone Shame
The man takes his dog into the movie theatre. It’s a romantic comedy and whenever there’s a funny scene the dog starts laughing. Later, there’s a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying. This goes on throughout the entire film. A man sitting nearby witnessed the dog’s actions and decides to follow them out after the movie.
In the foyer, he approaches the dog’s owner and says, “That’s truly amazing. your dog seemed to understand the whole plot!”
“It sure is,” the dog-owner replied, “he hated the book.”
A duck went to a local store
to buy chapstick, and the clerk asked if he would pay cash and the duck said, no, just put it on my bill.
It’s just a a man thing
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of the study: “Duh.”
and…
“Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection,” she stated. “My husband forgot the code to turn off the house alarm. When the police came, he wouldn’t admit he’d forgotten the code. He turned himself in.”
and…
My personal motto is: “If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson… were camping in their tent. They had been asleep beneath the night sky when Holmes suddenly awoke and shook his friend.
“Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions of brilliant stars,” said Watson.
“And what does that tell you?”
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are countless galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. And you Holmes?
Holmes paused. “What I see Watson… is that someone has stolen our tent!”
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
April 22nd, 2008
4-22-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Time to wet a line…
These two North Dakotans rented a fishing boat and, in their first anchored spot, caught 30 Iowa Walleyes (sorry, 30 bullheads).
“We need to mark this spot so we can come here tomorrow,” the first man said.
His friend replied, “Great idea. How about I put a big ‘X’ on the bottom of this boat.”
The first man agrees, “Right, then we could find it. But hold up – what if we don’t rent this boat?”
Fishing west of St. Cloud on the Sauk River Chain…my son, Norm, and I pulled up to the dock. Another resort visitor asked if we had any luck.
“Oh yes,” I replied, as we unloaded our gear.”
“But I don’t see any fish in your bucket. ‘Get any strikes?”
“Just a small on eon a daredevil. Oh yes, and lots of luck with great weather, good company and fantastic scenery.” (True!)
Some odd signs from England
* In a London department store: “Bargain Basement… Upstairs.”
* In an office: “Would the person who took the stepladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps WILL be taken.”
* Outside the second-hand shop: “We exchange anything: bicycles, washing machines, et. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.”
* On a repair shop door: “We can repair anything (Please knock HARD on the door. The bell doesn’t work.”
This Yoke Pollutes
Very early on morning, two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a big worm on the other side. So, one flies over and the other swims through… Which one gets to the worm first?
The one who swam, of course “Da, oily boid gets the woim.”
The Wind came up on Mille “Lacks”…while the two Supreme Court justices were out fishing. (what else!)
One became seasick. “Can I do anything for you,” asked the other.
“Yes,” replied the sick one with a gasp, “Overrule the motion!”
Now a toast (roast) to all who wet a line
Here’s to our fisherman brave,
Here’s to the fish he caught,
Here’s to the ones that got away,
And here’s to the ones he bought!
(more next week)
In honor of Secretary/Administrative Assistant Day, April 23rd
The boss asked his secretary/administrative assistant: “What do you think we should do about the ignorance and apathy around here?”
The secretary answered: “I don’t know, and I don’t care!”
(Thanks to Bob Martin of Rochester for the joke).
Sharing Appreciation is a wonderful thing: it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” – Voltaire
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Time to wet a line…
These two North Dakotans rented a fishing boat and, in their first anchored spot, caught 30 Iowa Walleyes (sorry, 30 bullheads).
“We need to mark this spot so we can come here tomorrow,” the first man said.
His friend replied, “Great idea. How about I put a big ‘X’ on the bottom of this boat.”
The first man agrees, “Right, then we could find it. But hold up – what if we don’t rent this boat?”
Fishing west of St. Cloud on the Sauk River Chain…my son, Norm, and I pulled up to the dock. Another resort visitor asked if we had any luck.
“Oh yes,” I replied, as we unloaded our gear.”
“But I don’t see any fish in your bucket. ‘Get any strikes?”
“Just a small on eon a daredevil. Oh yes, and lots of luck with great weather, good company and fantastic scenery.” (True!)
Some odd signs from England
* In a London department store: “Bargain Basement… Upstairs.”
* In an office: “Would the person who took the stepladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps WILL be taken.”
* Outside the second-hand shop: “We exchange anything: bicycles, washing machines, et. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.”
* On a repair shop door: “We can repair anything (Please knock HARD on the door. The bell doesn’t work.”
This Yoke Pollutes
Very early on morning, two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a big worm on the other side. So, one flies over and the other swims through… Which one gets to the worm first?
The one who swam, of course “Da, oily boid gets the woim.”
The Wind came up on Mille “Lacks”…while the two Supreme Court justices were out fishing. (what else!)
One became seasick. “Can I do anything for you,” asked the other.
“Yes,” replied the sick one with a gasp, “Overrule the motion!”
Now a toast (roast) to all who wet a line
Here’s to our fisherman brave,
Here’s to the fish he caught,
Here’s to the ones that got away,
And here’s to the ones he bought!
(more next week)
In honor of Secretary/Administrative Assistant Day, April 23rd
The boss asked his secretary/administrative assistant: “What do you think we should do about the ignorance and apathy around here?”
The secretary answered: “I don’t know, and I don’t care!”
(Thanks to Bob Martin of Rochester for the joke).
Sharing Appreciation is a wonderful thing: it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” – Voltaire
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
April 15th, 2008
4-15-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So, today is April 15…
Me: “I hate paying my taxes.”
You: “You should pay them with a smile.”
Me: “I offered them a smile but they insisted on money.”
E-Z-2-Lose…
Ever wonder why it’s called the 1040 form?
It’s because for every $50 you earn, you keep $10 and the IRS gets $40.
The Perfect Pose…
occurred as the little two-year-old Nicole stood at the window and saw here first lightning. “Look, Mom! God just took my picture.”
What you don’t know won’t…
Boy: “Dad, what makes the thunder?”
Father: “I don’t know.”
Boy: “Dad, what makes the snow white?”
Father: “I don’t know.”
Boy: “Dad, you don’t mind that I bother you with all these questions?
Father: “Absolutely not, son. How are you ever going ot learn anything if you don’t ask.”
There’s this son… “How insensitive”
The golf course next to Highway 14 and these guys were walking to their next shot just as the funeral procession passed by. The one guy put his ball on the tee then took off his cap and, with his 3-iron in hand, paused. As he lined up his shot, the second guy said, “you’re really a sensitive person, noticing that funeral and everything.”
The first guy drives then says, “Yah, well… we would have been married 25 years tomorrow.”
It takes a lot of guts to play a string bass… but:
* What’s the difference between a banjo and a lawnmower? You can tune a lawnmower.
* Do you know the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw the banjo into the dumpster and it lands right on the accordion.
* Why do bagpipers always walk when they play? To get away from the noise.
* How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs.
The old doctor in a small town… needed a vacation. His son had graduated from med school and finished interning, so the father asked his son to take over the practice a few weeks. When the father returned he asked if anything unusual happened.
“Well, I guess,” he replied. You remember that wealthy, elderly Mrs. Jones who’s had that bad allergy for many years? I cured her.”
“Well, the timing’s perfect,” replied the father. “That allergy put you through college and med school.”
Help! Help! Please
April 23rd is secretarial/administrative assistant day. Needed: secretarial or administrative assistant joke by April 16th. I can’t find ONE in my extensive files.
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So, today is April 15…
Me: “I hate paying my taxes.”
You: “You should pay them with a smile.”
Me: “I offered them a smile but they insisted on money.”
E-Z-2-Lose…
Ever wonder why it’s called the 1040 form?
It’s because for every $50 you earn, you keep $10 and the IRS gets $40.
The Perfect Pose…
occurred as the little two-year-old Nicole stood at the window and saw here first lightning. “Look, Mom! God just took my picture.”
What you don’t know won’t…
Boy: “Dad, what makes the thunder?”
Father: “I don’t know.”
Boy: “Dad, what makes the snow white?”
Father: “I don’t know.”
Boy: “Dad, you don’t mind that I bother you with all these questions?
Father: “Absolutely not, son. How are you ever going ot learn anything if you don’t ask.”
There’s this son… “How insensitive”
The golf course next to Highway 14 and these guys were walking to their next shot just as the funeral procession passed by. The one guy put his ball on the tee then took off his cap and, with his 3-iron in hand, paused. As he lined up his shot, the second guy said, “you’re really a sensitive person, noticing that funeral and everything.”
The first guy drives then says, “Yah, well… we would have been married 25 years tomorrow.”
It takes a lot of guts to play a string bass… but:
* What’s the difference between a banjo and a lawnmower? You can tune a lawnmower.
* Do you know the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw the banjo into the dumpster and it lands right on the accordion.
* Why do bagpipers always walk when they play? To get away from the noise.
* How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs.
The old doctor in a small town… needed a vacation. His son had graduated from med school and finished interning, so the father asked his son to take over the practice a few weeks. When the father returned he asked if anything unusual happened.
“Well, I guess,” he replied. You remember that wealthy, elderly Mrs. Jones who’s had that bad allergy for many years? I cured her.”
“Well, the timing’s perfect,” replied the father. “That allergy put you through college and med school.”
Help! Help! Please
April 23rd is secretarial/administrative assistant day. Needed: secretarial or administrative assistant joke by April 16th. I can’t find ONE in my extensive files.
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
April 8th, 2008
4-08-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So This Laundry-challenged Husband…decided to wash his old college sweatshirt. Seconds after stepping into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she yelled back. “What does it say on your shirt.”
“University of Minnesota.”
Te Controller Type Husband…complains, “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give?”
Wife: “Turn sideways and look in the mirror.”
Part II…A Few Observations…
* You’re just jealous because the voice in my head only talk to me.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* I’m not a COMPLETE idiot… some parts are missing.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
(Thanks to Julie A. Williams, “borrowed” from RV&MH Arizona Flyer)
Now for Golfer and other Assorted Sinners (confession time)…
I do one nine in forty-three,
the second nine in fifty-five;
If I am putting cleverly,
I find that I’m off my drive.
I wish some angel good would tell,
my troubled golfing spirit whether,
I’ll ever handle all clubs well
and get two decent nines together.
When’er I make a perfect drive
And get two hundred down the lot,
Why should I spoil a four or five
By messing up my second shot?
Though I may use the wooden clubs,
I’m doomed to linger with the mutts;
Fit company alone for duds,
My average is still three putts.
(guest ED., Edgar A. Guest)
April Flowers…Recycled
The daughter of the church flower chairperson was asked what her mother did with the flowers after worship service.
“Oh, Mommy takes them to people who are sick after the sermon.”
And to top it all off…
“The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in not having a decent goal to reach” – Ben Mays
Help! Help! Please
April 23rd is secretarial/administrative assistant day. Needed: secretarial or administrative assistant joke by April 16th. I can’t find ONE in my extensive files.
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So This Laundry-challenged Husband…decided to wash his old college sweatshirt. Seconds after stepping into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” she yelled back. “What does it say on your shirt.”
“University of Minnesota.”
Te Controller Type Husband…complains, “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give?”
Wife: “Turn sideways and look in the mirror.”
Part II…A Few Observations…
* You’re just jealous because the voice in my head only talk to me.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
* Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
* I’m not a COMPLETE idiot… some parts are missing.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
(Thanks to Julie A. Williams, “borrowed” from RV&MH Arizona Flyer)
Now for Golfer and other Assorted Sinners (confession time)…
I do one nine in forty-three,
the second nine in fifty-five;
If I am putting cleverly,
I find that I’m off my drive.
I wish some angel good would tell,
my troubled golfing spirit whether,
I’ll ever handle all clubs well
and get two decent nines together.
When’er I make a perfect drive
And get two hundred down the lot,
Why should I spoil a four or five
By messing up my second shot?
Though I may use the wooden clubs,
I’m doomed to linger with the mutts;
Fit company alone for duds,
My average is still three putts.
(guest ED., Edgar A. Guest)
April Flowers…Recycled
The daughter of the church flower chairperson was asked what her mother did with the flowers after worship service.
“Oh, Mommy takes them to people who are sick after the sermon.”
And to top it all off…
“The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in not having a decent goal to reach” – Ben Mays
Help! Help! Please
April 23rd is secretarial/administrative assistant day. Needed: secretarial or administrative assistant joke by April 16th. I can’t find ONE in my extensive files.
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
