6-24-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
Again, Tom-Tom has the location
The professional semi driver got caught under an overhead bridge of a county road. He got out, tipped his cap and scratched his head trying to figure a way to get his truck out.
The county-mounty pulled up behind him, got out of his squad car, put on his hat, adjusted his holsters and walked up to the semi driver and said, “What’s the matter fella, are you stuck?”
“Nah,” the driver responded, “I was delivering this bridge and I lost the address.”
While back on the highway…
where motorists have been reading hundreds of billboard messages signed by God. Samples include, “What part of thou shalt not… don’t you understand,” “Keep using my name in vain and I’ll make this rush hour longer,” and “Think it’s hot in here?”
So…who’s in charge here?
When I go on vacation, I don’t make any decisions. The boss tells me when, the wife tells me where, the back tells me how long and my vehicle tells me… get a moped.
The final solution
A man’s car stalled n the busy city street and within 15 seconds the woman behind him started honking continuously as he tried to restart it. Finally, the man got out and walked back to the honker to explain. “I can’t seem to get my car started, but if you’ll start it for me, I’ll stay here and lean on your horn.”
An insurance agent’s wife
was learning to drive when the breaks gave out at 25 mile per hour. As she tried to move through the city street she cried out to her husband, “What should I do?”
“Brace yourself,” he yelled, “and try to hit something cheap!”
An open and shut case?
All the cars on the highway were going at least 80 and the man felt very secure as part of the “convoy.” However, as he passed a patrol car, it pulled behind him with lights flashing. The officer handing him a citation, too the required information and started to walk back when the man said, “Officer I know I was speeding but I don’t think it’s fair. All those other cars around me were going just as fast. Why did I get a ticket?”
“Ever go fishing?” the police man asked.
“Um, yeah…” the startled man replied.
“Ever catch all the fish?”
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
June 17th, 2008
6-17-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
June 15th was Father’s Day, so
With three boys I’ve learned from experience… A man NEVER wakes up his baby just to see him smile.
A fisherman gives his pastor…
several huge fillets.
A little sheepishly, the fisherman said, “I must tell you, these fish were caught on Sunday, Pastor. The pastor paused, then gratefully accepted the gifts, saying “Well, we can’t blame the fish for that, can we?”
Considering the dandelions in my neighbors yard…
When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it just may be they take better care of it.
Time for a Tom Tom
A city man was driving in the backwoods when he took a wrong turn and got lost. he drove down a bumpy gravel road hoping to find a farmer who could help him. He came to a fork in the road but couldn’t decide which way to turn. Then he saw a house and drove up the lane. A man was rocking on the porch.
“Hey, there!” he shouted. “Can you tell me where that left fork goes?”
“Don’t know,” the man replied.
“Well, can you tell me where the road on the right goes?”
Again, the man said he did not know.
Hearing this, the motorist became angry.
“You’re not very bright, are you?” yelled the motorist.
“Maybe not,” the man replied calmly as he continued to rock, “but I ain’t lost.” (Rochester Insti-Prints).
What’s good for the Parish
The 6-year-old daughter of a clergyman was sick and put to bed. As her mother left the bedroom, the little girl asked to see her father.
“No, dear,” her mother replied.
“Your daddy is busy in his study and not to be disturbed.”
The little girl persisted and the mother repeated that her father was too busy.
The little girl sat up and declared, “Mommy, I am a sick person and I want to see my minister.”
Back to summer and the tourist… who was introduced to a Native American in New Mexico who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptical, the tourist asked him, “What did you have for breakfast?”
The Indian replied, “eggs.”
The tourist scoffed, “everyone could eat eggs for breakfast… he’s a phony.”
Thirteen years later, the tourist drove through the small town and there was the same Indian and said jovially, “How!”
The Native American answered, “scrambled.”
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
June 15th was Father’s Day, so
With three boys I’ve learned from experience… A man NEVER wakes up his baby just to see him smile.
A fisherman gives his pastor…
several huge fillets.
A little sheepishly, the fisherman said, “I must tell you, these fish were caught on Sunday, Pastor. The pastor paused, then gratefully accepted the gifts, saying “Well, we can’t blame the fish for that, can we?”
Considering the dandelions in my neighbors yard…
When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it just may be they take better care of it.
Time for a Tom Tom
A city man was driving in the backwoods when he took a wrong turn and got lost. he drove down a bumpy gravel road hoping to find a farmer who could help him. He came to a fork in the road but couldn’t decide which way to turn. Then he saw a house and drove up the lane. A man was rocking on the porch.
“Hey, there!” he shouted. “Can you tell me where that left fork goes?”
“Don’t know,” the man replied.
“Well, can you tell me where the road on the right goes?”
Again, the man said he did not know.
Hearing this, the motorist became angry.
“You’re not very bright, are you?” yelled the motorist.
“Maybe not,” the man replied calmly as he continued to rock, “but I ain’t lost.” (Rochester Insti-Prints).
What’s good for the Parish
The 6-year-old daughter of a clergyman was sick and put to bed. As her mother left the bedroom, the little girl asked to see her father.
“No, dear,” her mother replied.
“Your daddy is busy in his study and not to be disturbed.”
The little girl persisted and the mother repeated that her father was too busy.
The little girl sat up and declared, “Mommy, I am a sick person and I want to see my minister.”
Back to summer and the tourist… who was introduced to a Native American in New Mexico who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptical, the tourist asked him, “What did you have for breakfast?”
The Indian replied, “eggs.”
The tourist scoffed, “everyone could eat eggs for breakfast… he’s a phony.”
Thirteen years later, the tourist drove through the small town and there was the same Indian and said jovially, “How!”
The Native American answered, “scrambled.”
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
June 3rd, 2008
6-03-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So, June is National Recreation Month
* Wouldn’t it be great if we could re-create the 2000 gas prices.
* People go on vacation to forget things. Then, when they open their suitcase, find they did.
* A vacation is when you are likely to include nap in the budget.
* No matter where you go on vacation, your money will seldom go far enough… unless you’ve moved from bartering, to cash, to check book, to credit card, to ATM, to debit card to… (what did I miss?)…vacation at home.
And June 14th the Army was founded (1775)
Bob and Joe were boasting about their Army Days. “My outfit was so well drilled,” declared Bob, “that when we presented arms, all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”
“Very good,” Joe replied. “but when my company presented arms, you just heard slap, slap, jingle.”
“What was the jingle?” Bob asked.
“Oh, just our medals.”
Two Korean War Army Buddies…met after many years. One said, “I’m having trouble remembering names. I have to apologize to you, I just can’t recall your name! Will you tell me your name?”
“How soon do you have to know?” (from VFW magazine, 2002).
Time to Honor our Nation’s Flag…June 14th
“I pledge allegiance” – I promise to be true.
“To the flag” – the symbol of our country.
“Of the United States of America” – each state that has joined the Union.
“And to the republic” – a republic is a country where people choose others to make laws for them. This government is FOR the people.
“For which it stands” – the flag means the country… all the states.
“One nation” – the people accept, believe they are under the will of a Supreme Being… Spirit.
“Indivisible” – this country will not be split into parts… divided.
“With liberty and justice” – with freedom and fairness to all…in all areas of life.
“For all – Each person is valued and equal in the rights and responsibilities of being true, faithful and honorable to the flag of the 50 stars on a blue field of honor; thirteen white stripes for the purity of spirit of the colonies and thirteen red stripes for the blood they historically did shed. (from page 25 “Be Right on Flag Etiquette” – American Legion.)
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart
So, June is National Recreation Month
* Wouldn’t it be great if we could re-create the 2000 gas prices.
* People go on vacation to forget things. Then, when they open their suitcase, find they did.
* A vacation is when you are likely to include nap in the budget.
* No matter where you go on vacation, your money will seldom go far enough… unless you’ve moved from bartering, to cash, to check book, to credit card, to ATM, to debit card to… (what did I miss?)…vacation at home.
And June 14th the Army was founded (1775)
Bob and Joe were boasting about their Army Days. “My outfit was so well drilled,” declared Bob, “that when we presented arms, all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”
“Very good,” Joe replied. “but when my company presented arms, you just heard slap, slap, jingle.”
“What was the jingle?” Bob asked.
“Oh, just our medals.”
Two Korean War Army Buddies…met after many years. One said, “I’m having trouble remembering names. I have to apologize to you, I just can’t recall your name! Will you tell me your name?”
“How soon do you have to know?” (from VFW magazine, 2002).
Time to Honor our Nation’s Flag…June 14th
“I pledge allegiance” – I promise to be true.
“To the flag” – the symbol of our country.
“Of the United States of America” – each state that has joined the Union.
“And to the republic” – a republic is a country where people choose others to make laws for them. This government is FOR the people.
“For which it stands” – the flag means the country… all the states.
“One nation” – the people accept, believe they are under the will of a Supreme Being… Spirit.
“Indivisible” – this country will not be split into parts… divided.
“With liberty and justice” – with freedom and fairness to all…in all areas of life.
“For all – Each person is valued and equal in the rights and responsibilities of being true, faithful and honorable to the flag of the 50 stars on a blue field of honor; thirteen white stripes for the purity of spirit of the colonies and thirteen red stripes for the blood they historically did shed. (from page 25 “Be Right on Flag Etiquette” – American Legion.)
Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:
Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906
‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.
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