January 8th, 2008

1-8-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

Dad was reading another fairy tale to little Johnny when the boy suddenly interrupted. “Dad, do ALL these stories begin with, ‘Once upon a time?”

“No son,” replied the father, “A whole bunch begin with the words, ‘If elected, I promise....”
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Airline procedures have become more complicated in the past 90 some years. Still, one thing hasn’t changed. On their historic flight, Orville got a seat… Wilbur was on standby.

December and January both have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? … all of them.
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Did your New Year’s resolutions include “weight loss?” Dieting alone won’t help so I suggest these strenuous “exercises.” The per-hour calorie consumption rates of some common activities:
Beating around the bush – 75 cal.
Jumping to conclusions – 100 cal.
Climbing the walls – 150 cal.
Swallowing your pride – 50 cal.
Passing the buck – 25 cal.
Throwing your weight around – 50-300 cal.
Dragging your heels – 100 cal.
Bending over backward – 50 cal.
Pressing your luck – 75 cal.
Running around in circles – 350 cal.
Climbing the ladder of success – 750 cal.

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A theatre-goer was greatly annoyed by the woman in front who was talking constantly. Finally he complained, “Hey, I can’t hear anything!” The woman responded, “Well, I wasn’t talking to you.”

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An expensive parrot was purchased by a man who placed it in a cage in the kitchen. Each morning the man came in to fix breakfast, he spoke to the bird nicely in hopes the parrot would start to talk. Cheerfully he would say, “Good morning! How are you?”

The bird refused to respond. It even looked away when it saw the man coming.

After many weeks, the man became discouraged. The next morning, he walked right to the cage, but without his usual greeting. The bird looked at him and said, “Well, well! So what’s your big problem this morning?”

Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.