January 22, 2008

1-22-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

And from the sidelines…
“Coach, do you like ALL your players to be tall?”
“Listen, a player’s height isn’t important to me as long as his ears pop when he sits down.”

---
(Jan. 19-25 is PRE-spring Millinery week)
“What’s the matter with your wife? She looks all shook up.”
“She just had a big shock.”
“That’s too bad. What happened?”
“Well, she made the mistake of wearing her new $50 hat while she was working at the church rummage sale. She laid it down for a minute and somebody sold it for .25 cents.”

---
When the lights go on again…
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But, only if the light bulb wants to change.

How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they merely change the standard to ‘darkness’ then upgrade the… customers (then Rochester Public Utilities gets upset).

---
A pun is its own reward…
+ A pessimist’s blood type is always B-negative.
+ A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
+ Does the name Pavlov always ring a bell?
+ When two egotists meet it’s an I for an I.

---
A Red Skelton Quote…
“I live by this credo: Have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations. Even in your darkest moment, you usually can find something to laugh about if you try hard enough. If I can make people laugh, then I have served my purpose in living… God.”

---
Found in the classified section…
1. “Attractive kitten seeks position purring in a nice little girl’s lap.”
2. “Will the party who picked up the black cocker spaniel puppy Friday on Main Street either return him or back for the heart-broken four-year-old he belongs to.”
3. For sale: Diamonds - $3 each; microscope - $2.75. (Yes, the former ARE chips.)
4. Wanted: smart young lady to act as deceptionist.
5. For sale: modern house with 4 bedrooms, 3 baths and a rumpus room. EXTRA attraction family net door is building a huge swimming pool… with slide.

Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.