February 5th, 2008

2-05-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

The sky’s the limit…
An ardent young man sent an email to his sweatheart in the next town. It said in part: “My love for you is so great! For you, I would swim the deepest river; for you, I would climb the highest mountain, dash through fire, or fight wild beasts. I would do all of this, for you.”
P.S. “If it doesn’t snow, I’ll be over about 7:00 Saturday night.”

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Real Kid Talk…
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“One brother.”
“How many would you like to have?”
“Three sisters and three brothers.”
What do your mother and dad say when you tell them that?”
“Nothing. They just sit and laugh.”
And…
“Any brothers or sisters?”
“No.”
“Which would you like to have?”
“A sister.”
“Why?”
“Because she could make the beds, do the dishes and run errands for me.”
“You don’t want a sister… you want a slave.”
“Yes, that’s right.”

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National Beauty Salon Week (Feb. 9th)
Woman one: “She’s a decided blonde, isn’t she?”
Woman two: “Yes, but she only decided recently.”

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When the guest speaker asked the MC how long to speak, he was told to watch for audience response. “If you haven’t struck oil in five minutes,” said the MC “quit boring.”

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A Valentine Mood…
Do you carrot all for me? My heart beets for you.
With your turnip hair and your radish hair, you’re a peach.
If we cantaloupe, lettuce marry.
We’ll make a great pear.

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Style or substance?...
Policeman: “Did you get the license number of the car that hit your car, madam?
Woman: “No, but the driver was wearing a three-piece tweed suit lined with pink crepe.
Oh, and she hadon a periwinkle hat trimmed with red roses.”

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Getting your money’s worth…
The repairman came in to fix a very complex computer. He made some tests, checked it over, pulled out a screwdriver, found a certain small crew and turned it an eighth of an inch.
The unit started to hum.
The repairman made out a bill for $300 and handed it to the accountant.
He huffed and said, “$300 is sure a lot for a simple repair.”
In response, the repairman drew up a new bill: Turning a screw 1/8 inch to the right - $.50.
Knowing which screw to turn which way - $299.50.

Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.