February 12th, 2008

2-12-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

‘Can Hardly Wait…
“Madame fortune teller, tell me, are there golf courses in heaven?”
“I have some good news, and I have some bad news.”
“What’s the good news?
“The good news is that the golf courses in heaven are beautiful beyond anything you could imagine!”
“That’s wonderful.”
“…And you’ll be teeing off at 8:30 tomorrow morning.”

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How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two – one to change it and one not to change it.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A light bulb? None – that’s a software problem.

How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes 10 years.

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The Big Heart-Shaped Valentine Box…
A box of candy was left at the door of the 7-year old girl by her admirer. The note attached said, “To Susan, with all my allowance…”

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‘Much Snow in the Driveway?
The best device for clearing it is a 17-year-old who needs the car for a date.

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Classified Classics
Help wanted: “We don’t want the people who swim with sharks. We want the sharks.
For sale: “Stair-stepper with exercise video. Equiptment new, owner old.”
Notice: “Heaven-sent Nursing Service is now under new management.”

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The Rest of the Story…
The Sunday School teacher had on a pretty new dress and ALL the 5-year-olds gave their approval… except for Mary. Finally, she remarked thoughtfully: “We had to bring pennies lots of Sundays before you could buy it, right, Mrs. Smith?”

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What they didn’t know but…
The elderly (and wealthy) man had a hearing problem known to all. So he went to a specialist and purchased a hearing aid. In a few weeks, he went back to have an adjustment made and was asked how his family felt about it.
“Well I never told them I got a hearing aid. I just sat and listened. So far I’ve changed my will three times.”

Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.