February 29th, 2008

2-29-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

Did you hear about the teacher who…
was arrested while trying to board an airplane with a compass, a protractor and a calculator? he was charged with carrying weapons of mass instruction.

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A Lenten self-exam
To understand yourself…use your head.
To understand others… use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
Beautiful young people are an act of nature, but beautiful old people are a work of art.

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You know you’re getting old when…
* you tell people on your birthday that, like Jack Benny, you’re always 39… and nobody knows who Benny was.
* you wake up at 3 a.m. to use the bathroom and check your emails on the way back to bed.
* you’ve learned that being kind is more important than being right.

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Any ol Leonardo will do…
A third grader excitedly walked up to the media center advisor,
“Do you have any books about Leonardo DiCaprio?”
Mrs. Hall replied, “Oh, that heartthrob from Titanic? No, I’m sorry.”
“Well, where are the biographies please. Maybe I can find something.”
After searching the shelves, the third grader returned to report.
“Guess this will have to do,” as she sadly showed the book cover of her second choice: Leonardo Da Vinci.

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Insight… if needed
* Depression is merely anger… without enthusiasm.
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
* I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
* I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left before we met.
* When everything’s coming your way… you’re in the wrong lane.

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Practice makes purrrfect
A young salesman was looking very depressed the second day on the job.
“Come on, don’t be so glum his manager said. “Don’t worry, with experience you’ll gt the hang of it. Did you practice that fantastic sales pitch I gave you yesterday?”
“That’s the problem,” said the young salesman, “I practiced on my drive home, then gave the pitch to my wife.”
“So what did you think of your presentation,” asked the manager.
“Well… after practicing my sales pitch on her, I’ve got to buy HER a $500 vacuum cleaner.

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Abraham Lincoln
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”


Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.