November 16th, 2008

11-16-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

FINALLY BASEBALL IS OVER... FOOTBALL BEGINS
and the visiting team had a 14-13 lead. The coach of the visitors sent in a sub quarterback with orders to run out the clock by use of simple running plays.
The sub, however, had glory dreams and when he spotted one of his backs in the clear he uncorked a forward pass in that general direction.
Out of nowhere came the home team's speediest back, who flashed in to intercept the pass and was off for paydirt. To everyone's amazement, the sub quarterback who had made the pass overtook him and brought him down on the five-yard line. Seconds later the final whistle blew.
The losing coach grumbled to the coach of the winners, "I'll never understand how that sub quarterback of yours ever overtook the fastest boy on our squad."
"It's simple," was the reply. "Your boy was running for the touchdown. Mine was running for his life."

ON TO ANOTHER CURRENT EVENT
The man had barely paid off his mortgage on the house when he mortgaged it again to buy a car and, not long after, he borrowed to build a garage. His banker hesitated and said, "If I do make this loan, how will you buy gas for the car?"
"Well, it seems to me," replied the borrower curtly, "that a fellow who owns a big house, a new car and new garage should be able to get credit for gasoline." (ONE way to "earn" bankruptcy).

THE TWO CONFIRMED BACHELORS...
were chatting and the conversation switched from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy cooking stuff in it, eh?"
"Boy, you said it. Everyone of the recipes began the same way. 'Take a clean dish and....'"

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT
"What are you so happy about?" the woman asked the 97-year-old man.
"I just broke a mirror," he replied.
"But that means seven years of bad luck!"
"I know. Isn't that wonderful."
(I heard he plans to break another mirror in 6 years).

AND SPEAKING OF MIRRORS (just be patient)
The first pair of roller skates were "built" in Belgium in 1759 by Joseph Merlin.
A master violinist, Merlin made a spectacular entrance into a costume party on his roller skates while playing the violin. (show-off)
However, he hadn't mastered the fine art of stopping (rubber toe stops hadn't been invented yet), so he crashed into a full-length mirror breaking it and his violin. (bad luck... no waiting).

THE OUTLOOK FOR TURKEYS LOOKS BAD
The world's largest turkey farm is owned by Bernard Matthews in Norfolk, Great Britain. He has 2,600 employees and averages 9 million turkeys annually.


Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.