July 8th, 2008

7-08-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart


Ah, the Freedom of Independence
The 4th of July is a unique holiday. Where else but in America can you find people who are paying off credit cards, a five-year car loan, a 30-year mortgage, a home improvement loan, losing money on the stock market…and still who celebrate their independence.

Some Tips on How to Enjoy 4th of July
1. If you see stars, it is not your vision…it’s our flag.
2. Driving? Watch for nuts on the highway.
3. If it rains, tune in the P.B.S. Capital 4th (or just to avoid Silver Lake).
4. When the Star-Spangled Banner is played, sing what you know and proudly hum the rest. Oh yes, and if you enjoy your freedom, your hand over your heart is your amen (so be it).
5. No matter when you go to bed, some night owl will still set off some loud crackers…three days early.
6. On July 5th, when all the fireworks are exploded, watch for God’s free display in the sky.

In the Rough Enough?
A golfer was setting up his shot out on the freeway when a ball hit him in the head and knocked him unconscious. He awoke to find another golfer expressing his apologies.
The downed golfer exclaimed, “I’m going to sue you for $5,000!!!”
Kneeling beside the wounded golfer, the second man explained, “I said ‘fore’.”
To which the downed golfer said, “I’ll take it.”

On the sport of…
The devil challenged St. Peter to a baseball game. “How can you win, Satan?” asked St. Peter. “All the famous big-league hitters are up here.”
“How can I lose?” bragged Satan. “All the umpires are down here!”

First come, first serve
It was ten hours before the big bowl-game and the line wound clear around the stadium. A man was trying to work his way to the front of the line.
A burly fan at the very front next to the gate growled at the man and heaved him back.
A second time the man tried to edge his way up but was again tossed back by the waiting fans.
After he was tossed back the third time, the poor soul picked himself up and said, “If you don’t stop throwing me out of line, nobody’s getting in this gate! I have the key.”

The family got home from Sunday worship
The father criticized the sermon. The daughter picked at the choir’s anthem and the mother found fault with the organist’s playing. They dropped the subject when the young son said, “But it sure was a good show for a nickel, don’t you think, Dad?”

Life’s greatest pleasures are the simplest ones. Like seeing the driver who passed and cut in ahead of you get pulled over three miles down the road.


Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.