July 22nd, 2008

7-22-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

You Know You’re an Email Junky when…
* You wake-up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom…and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
* You turn off your modem and get this awful, empty feeling like you just pulled the plug on your best friend.
* You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap…and your child in the overhead compartment.
* You refer to going to the bathroom as… downloading.
* You check your mail. It says, “no new messages.” So you check it again.

Some signs of the times
On a maternity room door: Push, push, push.
On a fence: Salesmen Welcome. Dog Food is Expensive.
On an electrician’s truck: Let us Remove Your Shorts. (what a shocking experience!)
In a veterinarian’s office: Back in Five Minutes…Sit…Stay.
On the door of a computer shop: Out for a Quick Byte.
On the door of a music library: Bach in a Minuet.

With the elections coming soon
Politicians do not have an easy life. Somebody is always interrupting it with an election.
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven’t had one since Taft. Look at the United States. We haven’t had one since Lincoln.
It is awful hard to get people interested in corruption unless they can get some of it.
A politician is just like a pickpocket; it’s almost impossible to get him to reform.
I guess truth can hurt you worse in an election than about anything that can happen to you.
It takes a great country to stand a thing like an election hitting it every four years.

Now, ready for the really big questions???
Why does Hawaii have INTERstate highways?
Why is “abbreviation” such a looong word?
Why are floatation devices under airplane seats rather than parachutes?
Why is it that, when you transport something by car it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by SHIP, it’s called cargo?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

A pun is it’s own re-word
* The blood ype of a pessimist is always B negative
* A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother
* Shotgun wedding: a case of wife or death.
* Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.


Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.