October 20th, 2008

10-20-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

THESE SIGNS MAKE SENSE
On a barbecue restaurant: "House of Grill Repute."
At a golf course: "Putt an end to your troubles."
At a tire company: "Our tires will give your car great traction, we skid you not."
At a taxi company: "We drive away all our customers."

GETTING CLOSER TO NOV. 11th
The incumbant to office was winding down after a long and particularly distorted version of his accomplishments.
"And that is why I think you should vote for me. Are there any suggestions or comments from you fine folks?"
A rather seedy, humble-looking individual rose, cleared his throat and said: "Well, sir, I have a suggestion that may interest you. If you and I were to stump the country together, we could tell more lies than any other two men... and I wouldn't have to say a word."

"NOT" could well be the word
President Calvin Coolidge was the first to issue his famous "I do not choose to run" statement. President Ford (who couldn't win, lose or get out of Vietnam) said the same thing.
Coolidge however was besieged by reporters seeking a more detailed statement. One persistent reporter followed him to the door of his library.
"Sir, exactly WHY don't you want to be President again?"
"Coolidge turned and replied, "Because there's no chance for advancement."

AND HERE'S ANOTHER SCARY THOUGHT... another Halloween "Carol"
(to the tune of "Silver Bells")
We're on sidewalks, we're on porches,
Dressed in costumes to scare.
Through the city we're ringing the doorbells.
Gooey stuff in our hair,
But the most fun is shrieking out loud:

Shivery yells, shivery yells.
That's the Halloween nitty gritty.
Moan and groan, leave us alone;
Halloween's just one night a year.

(the folks at Madonna Towers Nursing enjoy this one too; from the Peanuts Book of Pumpkin Carols)

YOU JUST CAN'T WIN
When Nebraska Gov. E. Benjamin Nelson named MILK the state's official beverage, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals objected. Reason? They said cow's milk belongs to calves, not people.

WINNER OF THE WACKY WARNING LABEL CONTEST sponsored by the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch: "Remove your child before folding the baby stroller."


Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.