October 6th, 2008

10-6-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

TIME TO WIND DOWN BASEBALL
In Minneapolis, a sportswriter interviewed a hard-boiled young pitcher, recently added to the Twins' roster.
The scribe observed, "You're a tough hombre, all right. I bet you wouldn't give your own mother a decent pitch."
"Why should I," countered the pitcher angrily. "She batted .297 with Sacramento last season."

AND POWER UP FOR FOOTBALL
What's green, has bumps and plays football?
The Green Bay Pickles.

So, WHY DID THE FOOTBALL PLAYER...
make the commercial for the shampoo company?
He was troubled by split ends...
and VERY tight!

TIME TO START THE HALLOWEEN YUKS ALSO
Four ghosts were engaged in a hot Bridge game when a fifth ghost opened the door. A gust of wind blew all the cards off the table.
Grumbled one of the players, "Confound it, Archie, don't you know what a keyhole is for?" (B.Cerf's Laugh Day, Doubleday Pub.)

NOW LET'S GET DOWN TO EARTH
The guy wanted to learn how to skydive. He found an instructor and started lessons. When the time finally came for the first dive they stood by the plane and the instructor told the man how to position himself and pull the ripcord. He then explained that he would jump right afterward and be just a few yards away as they went down.
The pilot took them up, the man jumped, counted to ten and pulled the ripcord and his chute opened.
The instructor followed, but his chute FAILED to open. He rapidly decended past his student, frantically trying to open his chute.
Seeing this, the man unfastened the straps holding his chute and yelled, "So you want to race, huh?"

THE SPECIAL DEER HUNT...FOR DISABLED VETS is at Camp Ripley and I've been invited to shoot some footage for Vet's Visits again. Reminds me of the game warden who stopped a deep hunter and asked to see his license. The warden checked it out, then informed the hunter that it was last year's.
"I know," the hunter replied, "but I shouldn't need a new license. I'm just lookin' to shoot that blasted deer I missed last year... with THIS license."

SOME PRACTICAL THEOLOGY??
It was close to bedtime and the mom told her five-year-old to pick up her toys and take them to the back porch.
Knowing this involved a trip down a LOONG dark hallway the mom added, "Don't be afraid, Jesus will go with you."
The little girl thought for a moment, then, with arms full of toys looked up intently, "Well, if he's going, why can't HE take'em."

Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.