September 15th, 2008

9-15-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

…AND WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING??
My friend’s daughter was expecting her second child. They had a ‘family talk’ with their five-year-old son Bobby. Dad said, “O.K., Bobby, we are going to have a baby, but we want to keep it a secret for about four months.”
Bobby replied, “OH yes, I can keep a secret easy.”
The next day Uncle Mike came over to give Bobby a ride in his truck. Uncle Mike said, “You sure seem happy today. What’s going on?” Bobby replied, “Well, Uncle Mike, it’s a big secret, but I can tell you this much—in about seven months, I’ll be a big brother.”

AND FROM “SMILE AWHILE”
My six-year-old cousin and her father were looking at a litter of puppies, planning to buy one.
When Kim’s father asked her which one she wanted, she pointed to a puppy whose tail wouldn’t stop wagging and said, “I want THAT one with the HAPPY ENDING.”
(SMILE AWHILE is printed in Portland, TN)

NOW…A FEW OF MURPHY’S LAWS
- The other line always moves faster.
- NO one’s life, liberty or property are safe… while the legislature is in session.
- In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
- No matter how long or how hard you comparison shop… after you’ve bought it it WILL be on sale… cheaper… somewhere else.

GO WHERE, HONEY??
A shipment of husbands had just arrived in heaven. St. Peter decided to speed up the processing so he said, “I want all the husbands who acted like mice on earth to form a line on my right. Those of you who were truly kings in your own castle on my left please.
The men rushed to their chosen line. On the right, the line of hen-pecked husbands stretched beyond the horizon. Only one man was in the left line.
St. Peter asked the lone man, “Are you sure you belong in the macho line?”
The man replied, “I don’t know, but this is where my wife told me to stand.”

AND IN CAT HEAVEN??
Whiskers the cat had gone to cat heaven. St. Peter (yes, the same) was showing him all the new blessings he would receive.
Finally, the very last door was opened. There were hundreds of mice skating around and eating cheese. “Oh boy, said Whiskers. “Just what I always wanted. Meals on Wheels.”

TIME TO START FOOTBALL…END OF THE FOURTH
only thirteen seconds were left of the BIG game. The home team was ahead by three points and had possession of the ball. The quarterback threw a pass to a first-year player who caught it… then dropped it. The opposing team recovered the ball and went on to score the winning touchdown.
Asked how he felt about the defeat, the home team’s coach said, “Well, that’s the way the rookie fumbles.”
(Stamper’s ’88, 101 SUPER SPORTS JOKES)

Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.