September 8th, 2008

9-08-08
Time To Chuckle
By: Jerry Barnhart

FOR A CHANGE… SOME ONE-LINERS.
- To err is human.
To blame it on the other person is even MORE human.
- An optimist is a person who waits for his teenager to get off the phone. // The pessimist has a phone listing for each teenager (if he can afford it).
- Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson, you find the present tense and the past perfect.
- If at first you don’t succeed… you’re like most people.
- The ego trip: We have a strange and wonderful relationship. He’s strange and I’m wonderful.
- Political jokes are funny… unless of course they get elected.
- I’ve got at least SIX road maps in my car. They tell me everything up to how to fold them back up.
- These people that demonstrate at political conventions—They seem more excited about action than cause.

NOW, BACK TO SOME DIALOGUE.
Doctor to patient: “Did you remember to follow the instructions for the medicine I gave you?”
Patient: “You mean to drink water thirty minutes before going to bed?”
Doctor: “Yes.”
Patient: “Well, I tried, but after the first five minutes, I was so full I couldn’t drink another drop.”

AND MORE??
On the way home from worship a little boy asked his mother, “Is it true, Mommy, that we are dust?”
“Yes, darling.”
“And we go back to dust when we die?”
“Yes, dear.”
“Well, Mommy, when I said my prayers last night I happened to look under the bed. I found somebody either coming… or going.”

TOO LATE FOR LAST WEEK’S SCHOOL EDITION
The young professor was ‘waxing eloquent’ to a group of elementary teachers on modern methods of education. He told them that, if they had a child that became unruly, to switch his (or her) attention.
An OLDER man in the audience arose and remarked, “That wasn’t what they switched when I was a boy.”

SO HERE IS FOR WHAT AILS YOU
“I’m getting really worried, Doctor, about myself. I need something to take me out of my state of lethargy and put me in fighting trim. Have you included anything like that in this prescription?”
“No, not in the prescription. You’ll find that in the bill.”

And now, a parting thought: He who laughs… lasts (and has fun too).

Have a joke for Jerry? Send us your favorite joke and Jerry will choose his favorite for publication. Send jokes to:

Attn: Time To Chuckle
The Rochester Buyer’s Guide & Community News
515 Rocky Creek Dr. NE
Rochester, MN 55906

‘Time To Chuckle’ contributor, Jerry Barnhart, is the founder & producer of “Vet’s Visits” on T.V. “Vet’s Visits” airs Monday through Sunday 6-8 am & Monday through Thursday at 6 pm on Cable Access Channel 10 in Rochester.